You see, my immense success is all due to that watch – it all started with that watch, which projects just the right image of wealth and manliness. And now I’m the owner of a nice red car, a monkey and two slaves … err … employees. And have been touring the world teaching and enabling personal success. Call me at 1-800-C-O-A-C-H.
Posted in Creative writing, Fun, Life, Literature, Nonsense, Photography, Satire, Sweet dreams and nightmares
Tagged advertising, coaching, enabling success, manliness, money, monkey, satire, success, watch
“WTF – I wonder how that is pronounced…”
“Not that easy to say, it being Proto-Srpko-Pannonian.
Not at all what you would guess from the spelling.
Probably sounded like hwiss, the final f generally
being mute for all we know.”
“And, pray tell me, what does it mean?”
“Something like What the heck.”
– James Steerforth (© 2018)
One of the pieces from the forthcoming Erudite Matters.
That’s what YOU call a happy ending: you plundered our joint bank account, maxed out our credit cards and ran off with the Austrian masseur who looks like Arnold reborn and is twenty-eight years younger than you. While I’m home with the debts and three hungry children. Thank you, Lucille!
– James Steerforth (© 2017)
Flash fiction in 50 words.
Loosely based on a song by Kenny Rogers:
Posted in Bland observations, Creative writing, Flash fiction, Fun, Life, Literature, Love, Satire, Sweet dreams and nightmares, Writing
Tagged Arnold Schwarzenegger, Flash fiction, happiness, happy ending, Kenny Rogers, Love, Lucille, microfiction, unhappiness
A short-haired blonde with freckles and a turned-up nose had come to a stop to let her Labrador or whatever that big black thing was take a dump at my entrance.
“Better clean that up!”
A mischievous nod of obedience.
Real or fake?
I’d see in a minute. But now I had to go inside to answer that insistent phone.
– James Steerforth (© 2017)
Woven around mischievous, nod and obedience from 3WW, week 521.
Posted in Bland observations, Creative writing, Flash fiction, Fun, Life, Literature, Nonsense, Sweet dreams and nightmares, Writing
Tagged 3WW, dog shit, Flash fiction, humor, Labrador, microfiction, mischievous, nod, obedience
“Target is crossing street. Following.”
“Love that swaying little ass of hers.”
“Shut up, Jeremy.”
“Wonder what she’s done that we’re going after her.”
“Target keeps looking back, seems nervous.”
“Reminds me of Diana. Lady Di.”
“Don’t need your puerile phantasies, Jeremy.”
“Just saying. She’s definitely cute.”
“Target turned left into 10th Street. Staying behind.”
“Are the Russians after her?”
“What Russians? You been watching too many stupid movies.”
“The Russian mafia. Maybe her boyfriend’s involved.”
“Target is walking faster, keeps looking around. Not at us, I don’t think.”
“Or the IRS. But she doesn’t look like big fish.”
“Black Audi, Jersey license plates. Target looking to cross street.”
“Feel completely superfluous, John. Just following you, taking orders. Complete waste.”
“Shut the fuck up, Jeremy. We’re on a job.”
“I’ll bet you anything she’s on to us.”
“Audi speeds up. Target hit!”
“What the fuck!”
“Audi speeds off. Target motionless on ground.”
– James Steerforth (© 2016)
Posted in Cinema, Creative writing, Enigma, Film, Flash fiction, Life, Literature, Novel, Sweet dreams and nightmares, Writing
Tagged Audi, crime, dialog, Flash fiction, microfiction, mystery, parody, spy story, suspense
… so I found myself taking trains, hopping on buses, taking my car through streets where I knew I’d get stuck in jams to have that extra time I needed for smartphone activity that I could not justify otherwise.
– Tommy H. (© 2016)
(Tommy H.’s book From the memoirs of an addict, due out some time in 2017, is a romp through the various addictions the author has gone through from the 1980s to now.)
Posted in Bland observations, Creative writing, Enigma, Flash fiction, Fun, Life, Literature, Nonsense, Satire, Sweet dreams and nightmares, Writing
Tagged addict, addiction, buses, humor, memoirs, smartphone, Tommy H., traffic jams, trains