Oh what to do …

“No, Tim is not a fag, dad. He makes me gag!”
“Uhuh. A fag, just like I thought. But I still wonder why he makes you vomit.”
“Dad! What I said was that I omitted a word in a flyer, and because it was an important word and the whole thing was published –”
“Damn right, that would make anyone vomit, son. But I still don’t get that mountain connection. What were you doing in the mountains after you got yourself fired?”
Maintain! I didn’t say mountain. All I wanted to say is that it’s going to be difficult to maintain this big house now that Tim’s axed my bonus. He didn’t fire me.”
“And why do you think moving to the mountains would solve the problem?”
MAINTAIN!” I shouted.
He gave me a puzzled look, eventually shrugging his shoulders.
“I still don’t understand why Tom’s homosexuality makes you vomit, son, and why you find it difficult to maintain composure in the mountains. It all seems just a wee bit disconnected, if you ask me.”
“Your hearing aid? Where is it?”
“Oh that. Battery’s dead.”
I sighed and tickled the little bit of white fluff on his head.
A silly old song came to my mind: What do you do with a worn old shoe?
What to do with a stubborn old man like that?

– James Steerforth (© 2011)

Written around gag, maintain, omit from 3WW.

About James Steerforth

I am an author of poetry and fiction, translator and painter who loves to have fun with borrowed feathers.
This entry was posted in Fun, Life, Literature, Love, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Oh what to do …

  1. Oh, James, you brought back funny memories of my dad, who had malaria during WWII and was given quinine, which effected his sense of smell, taste, and hearing. He had the damnedest time with the telephone and once hung up on me when I was calling long-distance from Bermuda, saying, “I’m telling you, Amy’s out of the country! She’s not HERE, dammit!” I fell on the floor laughing. Amy

  2. Altonian says:

    I can sympathise with the Dad. If his hearing-aid batteries cost as much as mine do, no wonder he hadn’t replaced it. Very well written piece.

  3. Jae Rose says:

    This is such a tender scene..the frustration is all swept away with a big dose of love..Jae

  4. This is hilarious my grandmother and step dad both were/are hard of hearing but refused hearing aids, my mom had a hell of a time communicating with either of them and when they talked to each other it was hysterical

  5. ms pie says:

    ohhh man…. that’s so close to home…. i had to laugh out loud and then a sigh escapes….

  6. Sheilagh Lee says:

    you brought back memories of my grandfather who was old when we my siblings and I were born.He had a hearing aid and he used to get mad and just turn it off when we came to visit.

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